Kingdom Hearts Presents: Know Your Stars
by Shina Kusagi
Summary: Know Your Stars style with the voice that is a favorite across the nation, the voice that makes insult on the All That! characters. Kingdom Hearts characters will get picked on by this voice anywhere, and at anytime. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1: Sora

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Kingdom Hearts series or it's characters.

**A/N:** This chapter is just experimental to see how the results will turn up. So no offense to those Kingdom Hearts characters fans… It's just to see if this chapter will turn into a series depending on responses.

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Know Your Stars: Sora

Sora was sparring with Tidus on the petite island of Destiny Islands. The two have been at it for ten minutes and Sora is winning over Tidus in sword fighting. Finally, Sora decided not to hold back and knocked Tidus into the air, towards the ground head on.

"Okay, practice is over!" said the dark-wearing keyblade master.

"Darn it Sora! Someday, you're the one who's going to cry for mercy!" said the defenseless Tidus.

Suddenly out of nowhere, the white clouds began to gather around the entire island. The waters began to move back and forth quickly, following a slight rumble on the ground. Everyone, Kairi, Riku, Wakka, Selphie, and some other random people who happened to be on the island, gathered to the one spot of the sparring grounds to see what's going on.

**"Know your stars, know your stars, Know your stars…" echoes** of a deep male voice overlapped each other.

"Where are you? Show yourself now! Is that you Xemnas?! If it is, then come down here so I can kick your ass!" Sora said, with his keyblade ready in hand.

**'_How dare he mistaken me for that Mansex…_' **the mysterious voice of a man thought, and then he started…

**"Sora… likes to try on ladies' clothing."**

"What?! I do not! That's ridiculous! I'm a man—I'm the **keyblade master**!" Sora shouted like a little kid with streaks of red on his face.

Whispers broke out among the teenagers around him—Kairi and Riku are especially shooting dirty looks at him.

**"Really? How do you explain these photos of you in these? Too bad you have skinny legs and arms… What a shame, you have bad taste in ladies' clothing anyways…"**

Photos of Sora in pink, frilly shirts and dresses fell from the clouds and onto the spectators. Everyone picked up as much photos as Sora did to only find the statement true. Sora in bows, Sora in dresses/skirts, Sora in everything imagined being by the crowd.

"Sora! Why the hell are you in my favorite skirt?!" Kairi shouted in shock.

"No way! I never had these kinds of clothes! I swear!"

"Then swear this," Riku pointed to the ocean shore," Why do I see pink clothing in the ocean?"

"**That's not mine!**"

An invisible force, to say, pushed Kairi out of the picture for a moment and the mysterious voice came up again.

**"Sora… doesn't love or care for Kairi at all."**

"Yes I do! We had a moment back at the World That Never Was!"

**"… Sora… actually had sex with Goofy and had a really nice time with it."**

"T-that's ridiculous, you're stupid!" Sora said with his face heating up.

**"Oh really? Then how do you explain this photo?"**

A picture the size of a blimp appeared out of nowhere showing Goofy on top of Sora in the waters of the shore. It looked like they really did have a nice time, with Goofy pushing down on Sora and Sora bouncing on the bottom… Gasps of horror appeared on everyone's faces.

"Sora! What the f--- is this?!" Riku pointed up to the picture with eyeballs popping out and with a heated head.

"That's a lie! Even if I **did **actually do that, how can this picture exist?!" Sora's face was completely bright red while facing away from the picture.

**"We got it from a special source."**

"What source?!"

**"It's called the Internet you dumbass…"**

**"Sora… reads porno when no one's looking."**

"No I don't! I'm perfectly clear-minded thank you!" Sora said.

Whispers broke out again around the keyblade wielder…

**"Sora… puts his fingers into an electrical outlet to maintain his spiky hair."**

"You're so stupid! I put gel in my hair," Sora said, finally pissed. "Show yourself now! Thunder! Lightning!"

Sora summoned lighting and shot at every single spot he can find in the sky. The mysterious voice was highly offended for being called stupid twice already, so a last blow was put on Sora…

**"Sora… was raised in a circus full of clowns and freaks."**

"I… am… not raised in a circus!!"

**"It perfectly suits you, since what about those clown shoes of yours?"**

Everyone looked down on his big yellow shoes and whispered among with each other.

**"Now you know Sora… the cross-dressing, Kairi-hating sleazebag who reads porno and sticks his fingers in electrical outlets after being raised in a circus."**

"I am not that kind of person!!"


	2. Chapter 2:Kairi

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Kingdom Hearts series or its characters. Do not say that I'm sick-minded in this chapter, I got actual proof from a certain video website.

**A/N: **This chapter is also experimental so don't get all pissed to some of those fans I happen to offend. No offense really to any fans of this character of chapter 2, and some results will be needed for those who want the chapters to become an actual chaptered series. The mysterious voice will be shortened as MV because it will get tiring eventually—no, I didn't mean to take an idea from someone I know. Just that readers will keep seeing the two words as a description, not an actual character.

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Chapter 2: Kairi

Kairi was going shopping with some of her school friends at a mall called Mall of Destiny. Sounds corny to every consumer and the place should've been closed down due to the sign's title, but it does have great shops and boutiques inside. Inside was beautifully presented with tropical plants, a glass roof over the main shopping walk-through, and silver coated plates on the walls. The marble floor made the final touch to the alluring mall of shoppers, making this mall the most appealed malls of the world (Well, their world to say… it's not like a hunk of land really…). Kairi and the girls were eating at the food court when suddenly the electricity malfunctioned in the area. The freakiest thing that happened was that the speaker came on, and it's only used to announce dire emergency.

**"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…" **the male voice echoed in the speaker.

"You know what girls? I think we have to leave…" the brunette crimson-haired girl said.

**"Kairi… actually wanted to 'get it on' with Sora when she 'hugged' him at their reunion."**

"What?! Do not!" Kairi had her face heated up," I just wanted to simply hug him because it's been a long time."

**"Well explain to me why you even wore that skirt of yours? I mean-- you could just wear some shorts underneath like you did when you were 14."**

Whispers broke out among her classmates and even the whole food court was riddling with voices.

"W-why the hell are we even on this subject about me?!"

**"Felt like it…Kairi… her good luck charm is made from human bones. F.Y.I, she sacrificed her parents for the bones in an Aztec style ritual."**

"I did not!" Kairi noticed that everyone started whispering and some had faces in shock. Then she said," My parents are still alive you meanie!"

**"Kairi… isn't one of the 7 princesses of heart. She kidnapped the former "non-Disney" princess and threw her off a cliff because she got rejected of the position and is control freak."**

"That's a total lie you fag! Do you have to pick on me?!" Kairi blew her top when the MV pushed her last button. This very much made the MV upset.

**"Now you know Kairi… the sexual, blood-thirsty bitch who killed the former princess of heart just because she got rejected from the interview for it."**

"Hey you! Wherever you are, come down here and say it to my face! You coward! Those are all lies about me people!"

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**A/N: **For those of you who think I'm sick-minded, I'm not so here's proof of Sora's moment with Goofy and Kairi's moment with Sora. Since I'm not supposed to give out "non-fictional" things in my entries, unscramble these words to find the proof. Both of this evidence is part of a series and considered spoilers if you want to watch the whole series. 

**Disclaimer: **I have no relations whatsoever to the person who made the videos or the place.

**Sora and Goofy: ouYbetomcu. ehT etoevrLf ea:strH linaFe**

**Kairi and Sora: Ytbeouucom. ehT mdnoaR era:tH sdeopiE ievF aPrt 2**


	3. Chapter 3: Riku

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Kingdom Hearts series or its characters. I don't have any association to any actors mentioned in here; it's not part of the entry. I also do not own the song sung by the MV.

**A/N: **Experimental chapter again for results on the current and past two chapters. The mysterious voice will be shortened as MV.For those who couldn't figure it out in the last chapter, both evidence of Sora and Kairi's perverted moments are here. The Random Heart: Episode 5 part 2 somewhere before, after or at the halfway point of the video. The Leftover Heart: FINALE (Wait for the video to load up completely if you want to, and then fast forward all the way to 8:38.)

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Chapter 3: Riku 

Riku was playing soccer in his teammates until time ran out for practice. Being the calm, cool, and collected person he is along with the other hot guys on the soccer team, all the girls were going crazy for them. After some time receiving a message from King Mickey, he, Sora, and Kairi couldn't do much at the time. So Sora and Riku enrolled in the same school Kairi did, and had a normal life until now… The school speaker came on in an eerie sound of static and screeches. Then the deep voice began…

**"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…" **the voice echoed and overlapped each other. Riku and the soccer players gathered up and looked around frantically.

**"Riku… is a girl because he changed his gender when he was missing."**

"I did not! I'm a guy you weirdo!" Riku spurted from his drink of water from his bottle, and his body twitched as he shouted.

**"No guy in his right mind would show his bellybutton out in the open from the bottom of his zipped-up shirt. Plus in another world called Earth lives humans like you are, and many have mistaken you for a girl because of the scene where you shot a fireball in that dress of yours."**

Whispers broke out among his teammates, the girls started to gossip, and all Riku could do was say," Screw you!" to the speaker while doing the middle finger. The MV was completely offended and hurt from Riku's actions, so he said something that would push him right off the cliff…

**"Riku… is a playboy and is desperate for attention. So he hacked into dating services using hot actors as his alias and became the most hot and popular guy for 5 months straight. His aliases were such as Tom Cruise, James Bond, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and many others."**

Many girls were in shock when they walked into the wrong time where the school speaker could be heard through the entire campus. Some girls were infuriated that they found pitchforks and brooms in an opened janitor closet, and were going to tear Riku limb from limb. "I did not you jackass!" Riku shouted.

**"Riku… has a disease called Blockeolitis during his plastic surgery to achieve his life-long dream since he was 5… it was a dream to be the world's top 10 sexiest cross-dressers in the Guinness Book of World Records. It's a disease where black, gooey liquid comes out of his urine and black spots appear all over his body when he's under stress or pressure. That's why he's calm, cool, and collected because if he gets nervous or stressed, black spots would appear all over his body and you would think he's a black chicken which has been plucked of all it's feathers."**

"I am not sick! I'm perfectly fine you son of a bitch!" Riku shouted with embarrassment. Despite Riku's moment of fright, the MV was even more pushed to the cliff of all insult figuratively.

**"Riku… took a liquid medicine called Blackto Bismol, hoping to cure his black spots and urine due to headaches from stress and indigestion with diarrhea. But it made it much more worse; at night you can see black lines around his entire eyes like it's emo makeup. He thought the medicine would help like repelling magnets of the same charges."**

"I do not take any kind of medicine! How many times do I have to get it through your thick skull?!" Riku shouted, but it wasn't enough to cease the virus-spreading gossip among the students.

**"Riku… rapes little girls."**

Gasps of horror can be heard anywhere, and even Riku's soccer teammates have looked at him with disgusted looks.

"That's it! Come out here so I can beat you to a pulp!"

**"Here's a song dedicated to this 'innocent person'. _Ri—iku's the ice cream man, raping little girls in his big white van. They screamed, they cried, because they know they're gonna die_."**

"S-s-stop it! Those are lies!"

**"_Ri—iku's the ice cream man, running over kids with his big white van. They screamed, they cried, because they know they're gonna die."_**

"Shut up! I've never done those things in my life. Come out like a man if you are!"

**"Now you know Riku… the gay playboy who suffers from Blockeolitis and is a raper who runs over kids while drugging himself with Blackto Bismol."**

"No! They don't know me—no one in the whole world knows me!"


End file.
